Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Say No to Oral-ffice Hygiene!

Let me preface by saying that one of my major no dankes is bad oral hygiene. (More to come on that at a later date fo sho.)

However, if there’s one thing that drives me absolutely bonkers in the way of brushes and minty paste, it’s people who brush their teeth at work.

Oral-ffice hygiene is just not hygienic.

I’m sorry, is this seventh grade? Is Mommy picking you up for a dentist appointment after school?


Never in a million trillion would I condone tooth brushing at work. Not even in the name of pearly whites.

Fine, you kids get gold stars for brushing, brushing, brushing away. Making sure that coffee don’t stain, or that garlic from the Chinese lunch special don’t stink.

Kudos to you!

But for those of us who have to see you doing it – UGH!

I regard tooth brushing as a fairly personal endeavor. It’s intimate. Like going to the bathroom or showering.

Would you dance around the office in your pj’s? Sing at the top of your lungs? Pick your nose? Readjust?

No. I daresay you would not do any of the above.

So why do you insist on brushing your teeth??

Just thinking about where they keep their brush n’ paste sends my germaphobe brain into overdrive.

Perhaps they store their Oral-B amongst the Bic’s in their pencil holder. Or stash it in their top drawer next to the paper clips and highlighters. Or maybe they just leave it lying flat on top of the bacteria-ridden battlefield that is a work desk.

Wherever they put it, it's gross.

Dear coworkers…tooth brushing at work is simply not a socially accepted norm. It’s not OK. It’s vile. It makes me sick. The ADA says to brush your teeth twice a day, morning and night. WHY ARE YOU BRUSHING MIDDAY?

Just don’t do it. Please, don’t force us innocents to endure watching you scrub your dirty, germ-ridden mouth.

Tooth decay, be damned! I’d like to keep my lunch in my stomach where it belongs.

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