‘Twas the Day After Christmas

‘Twas the day after Christmas

And all through the house

Not a creature was smiling
Not even a mouse.

What is it about the day after Christmas that’s just so...so...so depressing.

Maybe it has something to do with the anticipation. Granted, I wasn’t in so very merry a Christmasy mood this year. Actually I don’t think anyone had much holiday spirit.

That tricky warm weather! Those four short weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas! The lingering recession!

Ah well.

Sure, when I was young I’d be even more melancholy post-holiday. My family likes to joke that I had tunnel-vision: must.open.presents...ripriprip - like a manic.

Then I’d pout and whine while my older brother opened the remaining 3/4 of his pile.

Maybe the holid-pression has to do with all the opened presents. They look so stark and naked and bare under the tree - what, without their fancy bows and colorful ribbons and shiny, shimmery paper.

I do realize that the purpose of a present is what’s inside. But they’re so much more fun and fascinating all wrapped up and piled up.

Ahh. The packaging. Such a such a such a WASTE. The paper, the curlicue accessories - all bound for da dump.

Garbage bags chock full of waste headed for incineration at the transfer station. Such a colossal extravagance.

The day after Christmas is pretty boring, too. All the toys have been played with. The DVD’s watched. The clothes tried on. The (good) candy eaten. The roast beast carved.

What oh what is there to look forward to now?

Nada but a shit ton of bad TV. And I do mean bad TV. What the eff?

I do not understand premium channels. Not in the least. They play Christmas movies in the summertime when no one in their right mind is thinking about the holidays. Then when ‘tis the season, there’s nothing on but The Mummy Returns, Backdraft, Air Bud, You Don’t Mess With the Zohan, or Solaris.

Who really wants to battle crowds and go shopping? Who wants to think about going on a diet? Who’s looking forward to putting away decorations? Who is excited to return to work?

Not I.

Boy oh boy.

The day after Christmas sucks. The only thing worse than the day after Christmas is having it as your birthday.