There are so many status updates to talk shit about. All kinds and shapes and sorts. I’ve already written about The IS Factor - people who simply write “is” as their status update (losers).But we’re here today to discuss that oh-so-common breed of people, the people I so love to hate - the ones whose relationship status is their reason for being. Their everything. Their all.
I’m talking life or death, oh-dear-GOD-I-have-to-change-my-relationship-from-“Single”-to-“In-A-Relationship”-right-this-second-or-else-I’ll-die kind of obsessed.
They live, breathe, eat, and sleep relationship status updates.
The second a guy asks them to be their girlfriend, these chicks go on and update their relationship status. They are bursting at their 7 jean seams with excitement over being part of the Taken Elite.
It is quite clear to me (is it to you?), that this brand of homo sapien prefers their relationship with their Facebook account over their actual brand-spanking-new boyfriend. They need their friends and family and exes (ESPECIALLY exes) to know asap that they are now IN A RELATIONSHIP.
Like, totally omg!!!!
Why don’t those dummies understand that what they're really doing is exploiting a fledgling coupling for all of cyberspace to see?
It’s sickening how warped our relationship-centric, pseudo-reality society has become. How we’ve let it become.
My friends and I cannot possibly talk enough shit on this topic. It is a bottomless ocean with deep, cavernous volcanoes full of shit-talking possibilities. Really, it is.
When I mentioned that I wanted to write a blog about how pathetic people’s relationship status updates are, I truly believed I’d had a stroke of brilliance. A little writer’s license, if you will. I would conduct an experiment. A test.
I would go on Facebook and change my relationship status to “Engaged” and wait for the responses to flood in. I was sure my page would be inundated in a matter of minutes.
Seriously, some Facebookers live for that shit. They plan their days around Facebook stalking. Each piece of juicy hookup/relationship/engagement/breakup-gossip is an exquisite, exceptional gem in their eyes. A ginormous, King Size Snickers Ice Cream Bar. They go positively goo goo for it.
My plan was to then copy and paste the most outrageous of comments - names removed, of course, to protect the (extremely naive and gullible) identities of those “friends”-o-mine.
Alas, when I mentioned this idea to my actual group of friends, they were split. Some thought it was a hilariously ridiculous means of proving a point - namely how crazy 78% of the Facebook population is about relationship updates. While the other half gasped, told me no, that it was a bad idea. “People will actually think you’re engaged,” they gaped, horrified. Like a practical joke was the worst thing in the world.
In the end, I obviously decided against it. Maybe this particular blog’s subject caught me on an off-day, a day where I didn’t really feel like facing the Facebook hoards, the incessant comments and that quasi-exclamation-question catastrophe, “WHAT!?!”
My friend Michelle is one of those need-to-update-now!! people. She is also a very good sport when we make fun of her about it. (She was indeed my numero uno opponent when it came to the “Engaged” idea.)
Anyway, her take on the situation was that a relationship isn’t “official” until it’s been declared and updated on Facebook.
I believe 78% of the Facebook populace agrees with her.
But I will bet money that those devotees are filled with nada but hatred of their relationship status come doomsday.
Why don’t those dummies understand that what they're really doing is exploiting a fledgling coupling for all of cyberspace to see?
It’s sickening how warped our relationship-centric, pseudo-reality society has become. How we’ve let it become.
My friends and I cannot possibly talk enough shit on this topic. It is a bottomless ocean with deep, cavernous volcanoes full of shit-talking possibilities. Really, it is.When I mentioned that I wanted to write a blog about how pathetic people’s relationship status updates are, I truly believed I’d had a stroke of brilliance. A little writer’s license, if you will. I would conduct an experiment. A test.
I would go on Facebook and change my relationship status to “Engaged” and wait for the responses to flood in. I was sure my page would be inundated in a matter of minutes.
Seriously, some Facebookers live for that shit. They plan their days around Facebook stalking. Each piece of juicy hookup/relationship/engagement/breakup-gossip is an exquisite, exceptional gem in their eyes. A ginormous, King Size Snickers Ice Cream Bar. They go positively goo goo for it.
My plan was to then copy and paste the most outrageous of comments - names removed, of course, to protect the (extremely naive and gullible) identities of those “friends”-o-mine.Alas, when I mentioned this idea to my actual group of friends, they were split. Some thought it was a hilariously ridiculous means of proving a point - namely how crazy 78% of the Facebook population is about relationship updates. While the other half gasped, told me no, that it was a bad idea. “People will actually think you’re engaged,” they gaped, horrified. Like a practical joke was the worst thing in the world.
In the end, I obviously decided against it. Maybe this particular blog’s subject caught me on an off-day, a day where I didn’t really feel like facing the Facebook hoards, the incessant comments and that quasi-exclamation-question catastrophe, “WHAT!?!”
My friend Michelle is one of those need-to-update-now!! people. She is also a very good sport when we make fun of her about it. (She was indeed my numero uno opponent when it came to the “Engaged” idea.)
Anyway, her take on the situation was that a relationship isn’t “official” until it’s been declared and updated on Facebook.
I believe 78% of the Facebook populace agrees with her.
But I will bet money that those devotees are filled with nada but hatred of their relationship status come doomsday.
Cause when they gotta change it from “In a Relationship” to “Single”, it’ll be in the Highlights section of everyone’s mini-feed.
And I...I will be laughing.
And I...I will be laughing.
