Receipts for No Reason

Now. Let me preface by saying I know that excessive receipts are no fault of the poor, innocent cashiers. After all - they’re just doing their job, trying to make a buck. But honestly, I don’t get it.

Why the waste of paper? The extending and the grabbing of a stupid little scrap? It’s such a superfluous motion. An unnecessary transaction that pilfers precious seconds of your day, minutes of your week, months of your life.

Stop the incessant, needless receipts!

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve begrudgingly walked back towards a shouting cashier to accept a receipt from their overextended, impatient paws.

The worst culprit is DD’s. I know, I know - I No Dankes Dunkin’s a lot - but the criticism is fairly well deserved. They are the most erroneous receipt tosser’s of them all. No, thank you, I DO NOT want a receipt for a coffee that cost $2.37. Really, thank you, I don’t.

Alright, I'll admit it. Cashiers do give me a tinge of anxiety. Of course I don’t want the receipt they’re demanding I take. But I always feel such unbearable pressure to run back and grab the proof of payment. Especially because I know that if I try to run away, the employee will put on their pissy, peeved-off face and exaggeratedly crumple it up in front of me while shouting, “NEXT!”

Ugh.

Self-apprehensions and nervousness aside, it really is quite sinful to be squandering perfectly good paper on a receipt for a package of Big Red. No, no, Gristedes, I do not need evidence that I’ve purchased yet another half gallon of ice cream.

I could wallpaper my apartment with all the receipts I’ve rounded up in the past year. Or, let’s be honest, the past month (yes, my horse stall/rabbit hutch is very teeny tiny, but still…it’s the principle of the matter).

Yes, there are occasions that warrant a little white slip. Namely the purchase of clothing and – umm – well that’s all I can think of actually. Come to think of it, even clothing receipts are paltry! When I worked at Bloom’s, people would come in with years-old garments and we always found a way to look them up and return their money. Like magic. Really, really annoying f-ing magic.

Where there’s a will, there’s a way, people.

So come on now. Let’s all be grownups and do away with receipts. If not for our sanity of not having to walk back and grab the slip from a cashier, then at least for the trees. Yes everyone, let’s do it for the trees.