Sheet-Induced Chagrin

I find that changing my bed sheets is numero uno amongst deplorable household (or apartmenthold) chores. It’s the WORST. When I was a youngin', I used to wet the bed – wamp wamp – and my poor mother would have to come in and change my sheets in the middle of the night. Sorry Trissi! I think that would be probably be my worst nightmare. Karma better not be a bitch, yo.

Later on, when I was at an age when I thought chores were cool and was jealous of my friends who were forced to do them (I, a brat, had none), one of my buddies showed me how to do “hospital corners” on the top sheet while tucking it in. I seriously thought it was the coolest thing ever!

Ah, to be young again. To have someone make my bed for me. To think that folding the corners of sheets under in triangles was cool! Now I dread the loathsome two-week-time-to-change-the-sheets mark about as much as I enjoy New York in the rain.
It’s just so...so awful! It’s time consuming, there’s a ton of up/down/up/down, so much smoothing and tugging and pulling and straightening. I never know which way the bottom sheet needs to go on and when I put the short side on the long side, I have to start all over again. And of course my bed skirt always gets stuck and tucks in with the top sheet. And the pillowcases! I either have really fat, fluffy pillows, or extremely miniature pillowcases. It’s always a pushing, shoving all-out battle!

I will say that thankfully, in my current apartment, two sides of the bed are exposed. In my last abode, there was only ONE side exposed. That was a ridiculous nightmare I never wish to relive.

Then you have the quilt. Again, I am always perplexed and positively befuddled. It never looks as right as it did when I took it off. Ever! And of course, in my infinite obsessive-compulsive-perfectionism, it takes me ten minutes to fold over the top flap of the quilt so it looks just right. It never does!

Why can't there be a better way. Seriously? Because really there is nothing better than freshly changed, super soft, ridiculously cozy sheets.

Ah, to say - "Mom, I wet the bed!" and have brand new sheets, abracadabra.

Wampity!