A Dental Floss State of Mind

What is it about kids disobeying their dentist? I mean, I suppose there is that 3% of the goody-two-shoes population that follows every rule ever to a T.
And then there’s the rest of us.

Did we think we were being badass? Rebellious? Was it because we disliked authority - via dentist and parents? Were we just plain lazy?

Whatever the cause, the time for not listening to our dentist (and parents) has come and gone.

No more excuses.

Floss. Your. Teeth.

I was one of the lazies. Super laze, in fact. I didn’t want to floss my teeth every night.
I feel kinda gross admitting it now, but I’d only break out the Glide (mint flavored, floss of choice), once a month - if that. Or if there was something stuck. Which pretty much only happened anytime I ate anything corn-related (what is it about that stupid kernel??)

Actually I feel disgusting admitting that. Boy oh boy.

But I’m telling you - from one former non-flosser to another: You just gotta own it. Own that laziness, that abhorrence of authority. Shake, shake, shake that feeling of not wanting to do something because someone told you to.

Get over it. Totes O.I. por favor. Cause there be creatures living up in there. For reals (to the left, to the left).

Now, don’t worry - I’m not getting ahead of myself here or anything. I’m not ready to say “Yes” to Oral-ffice hygiene. 

But I shall henceforth be an ardent advocate for flossing.

I daresay I’d shout, “YES, PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!” to le flosse.

It’s not because I’m an “adult” now. Nor is it because I want to prevent cavities (I’ll eat a bag-o-Sour Patches before I go to sleep...after I floss).

No. These petty excuses pale in comparison.

What really gets me in a flossing state of mind is the knowledge that I’ll be excavating those white mountains of shit.

Seriously, they accumulate at an alarmingly accelerative speed! Unstoppable. And unacceptable.

G-ROSS.

The human mouth is 98 degrees. There are over 600 types of bacteria (I love you Wiki!). Add to that mix cigarette smoke, alcohol, pickle juice. New (and old) bits of chewed food. Throw in some dental plaque. And voilà! You have a steaming cauldron of hearty halitosis.

Ugh. That stuff’s toxic man. Like, refuse pile stinky. Sewage plant stinky. Rotting meat stinky. And that’s your mouth! Your pretty little kisser! Why don’t we all feel the need to treat it with the utmost respect?

Fewer than 12% of Americanos floss on a daily basis. I know, I know. It does tack on a few more minutes to the nightly routine. But just think about all the snowy piles of gook you’re clearing out of there.

Do yourself a favor. And all the rest of us: Jump on that gingivitis-preventing bandwagon.
Floss. Your. Teeth.