Monday, October 17, 2011

You’re Hot Then You’re Cold

Why do buildings never seem to get the temperature right? What is so hard about having a thermostat that pays attention to the OUTDOOR temp and reflects it perfectly with an adequate INDOOR temp.
I don’t get it.

(However, if such an invention does not exist, no stealing my idea! I’ll be contacting a patents lawyer shortly...)


Why are we sweating it out in meetings when it’s 65 degrees out? Barbaric, I tell you! Sure, it’s fall - but last week felt like August and the indoor climate did not reflect that.
Just cause the date says it should be crisp out does NOT mean the weather gods are gonna acquiesce. In fact, they’re such little shits that they always do exactly the opposite of what we want. Rain on days we want sunny. Sugar and sunshine on days we want to be overcast. Crippling sunny-day guilt is killer man, ugh!

I’ve always found this whole disparity quite paradoxical. I mean, yes, it does make sense on a fundamental level - warm inside when it’s cold outside, cold inside when it’s warm outside. But still. The extremes are just not fair. This chick agrees:

Why, when we’re all running around in sundresses and cutoffs and skimpy tanks, does it have to be freezing inside? Freezing. I’m talking covered in goosebumps, blue fingernail beds, leg-hair-just-grew-a-centimeter, Barney-purple lips, uncontrollably shivering, cold.

Yet in the dead of winter - when the temperature is in the teens - you walk into a building and immediately wish you hadn’t donned so many layers. You start sweating like a whore in church.
I know, I get it. We, as humans, have the ability to manipulate indoor climates so it’s “comfortable” - not too hot, not too cold, but just right.

However, if the goal is just right, then why can’t anyone anywhere ever seem to GET it right?? Especially office buildings and department stores. And subways and restaurants and doctor’s offices (omg) and APARTMENTS (bigger omg).

The upside of renting in NYC is that you don’t pay for heat. However, good ole Newton got it right with all his actions and reactions babble. You see, not dealing out the dough is nice - but the flip-side is that you can’t control the heat. Once it’s on, it’s on.

And of course being on the fourth floor only adds to the sweatbox that is my apartment come late fall. I have been known to sleep with the AC on in January (OK that’s a lie - I pretty much use the AC 9 months out of 12).

Or I leave my window and door open, trying to create some sort of cross-ventilation. But usually it’s to no avail cause
once that frigid air touches my skin I don’t care about bringing my body temp back to homeostasis. Being hot seems a hell of a lot better than hypothermic.

Public places, though, have no excuse to be so boiling. Why can’t offices and eateries, hospitals and schools, stores and apartment buildings just turn down the heat (orAC) a notch? Why make us all sweat it out? Pit stains and melty makeup are not attractive. In fact, they’re fairly foul.

I suppose it’s that age-old rule: We always want what we can’t have, summer in winter, winter in summer (not that I ever WANT to have to wear sweaters in the first place...ugh). But for reals, some attention should be paid to the thermostat.

Let’s make these man-made climates more hospitable for everyone. Don’t crank up the AC, don’t crank up the heat, and you won’t have cranky people on your hands!

And, best of all!, you’ll be saving energy in the meantime. Wow, I am one green inventor yo. Drinks on me!
(In thirty or so years.)

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