Friday, April 22, 2011

LOL is, like, so not funny.

No really, it’s not. Not at all. Not even one little bit.

Now I love me some abbreviations - or should I say abbr.’s. I'm pretty much addicted to anything and everything abbreviated. They’re the best thing since Cake Man Raven's red velvet. Many people can't stand my vernacular inventions, but my good friend Kelly and I are pretty much the sisters in Nell with their ridonculous language. We totes speak and type almost exclusively in tongues.

However, there is one – well, two – abbr.’s that drive me (and Kelly) absolutely, positively crazy.

The first is LOL. The second is LMAO.

I don’t understand why people use LOL. Where did it come from? It’s an unnecessary shortening. There’s no need to condense “haha”. Fine, I know some people prefer not to type out a phrase that isn't really a word but rather a sound. But to these people I say: LOL is not a word, either. Therefore it should not be substituted as such.

(Yes I made that LolCat. Even though they're annoying, you should probably buy our book:

This morning I was iming with Kelly. She asked what the blog would be about today and I simply wrote: lol. Her reply is copied and pasted below:
kelly: ohhhhhh god! i thought you were saying it for real!
kelly: my mouth dropped!

Never, EVER will LOL or LMAO ever, ever creep in and disgrace our conversations with their presence.

Please, dear friends. I know there are certain situations when things may be really funny and deserve more oomph than a petty “haha” can offer. But I implore you, instead of employing a "laugh out loud" LOL or a "laughing my ass off" LMAO, just abuse the hell outta those two keystrokes and type "hahahahahhahahahahahahahahah". That will suffice! I promise! 

'Tis far, far better to read someone’s typed "hahahahaha's" - you can actually picture their tummy-rumbling-cheeky-chuckles, imagine the laugh-ee rolling around and heaving with hearty snorts and howls. Who wants to envision the chuckler holding down the shift button and typing those stupid three letters: LOL. It's the most unfunny phrase ever. It ruins the funniness of whatever was laughable in the first place.
And LMAO - ugh. That is arguably the most uncomfortably configured abbreviation in all the land. In no world do those letters belong together. It goes against the stars, against the universe!

LOL and LMAO are not entitled to stand for anything, imply anything. They are an abomination to the abbreviation institution. I cringe when I see them in emails and IM conversations. What ARE you, LOL? You are nothing but awkward and awful! And LMAO, you are nada but a pile of two consonants and two vowels. Worthless! Hapless! Hopeless! And utterly disgusting.

So come on friends and foes. Please forthwith strip your mind of the atrocities that are LOL and LMAO. Use them nevermore, nevermore. Por favor, por favor.

1 comment:

  1. Almost as infuriating as not holding the door at all is when the person you DO hold the door for does NOT say thank you. That makes me so incredibly angry. I've made a point to do something nice and you can't even utter a thanks or a mere smile? NO. SO, in order to keep these offenders in line (and to maintain my sanity), if they do not say thank you, I reply with a deliberate, cheery "you're welcome!" You should see the look on some people's faces when they realize they've just been made a fool of. When they realize that maybe it would not have been so difficult to show a little appreciation. And, if said offender had the audacity to be put off and respond with a gruff "I didn't say anything." (Yes, this has happened.) Well, all you do is smile. Assholes. Excuse me for thinking they'd mastered the most basic of manners. Whew. Guess this one got me all riled up.