Maria and her Dress do NOT Make Beautiful Music

OK. I’m gonna throw it out there cause we all know it’s true. I’m just not afraid to admit it. Captain von Trapp is hot. Judge away.

The fake one, of course, not the real one. I’m talking ‘bout Christopher Plummer, yo! You know he is.

I’ve watched The Sound of Music approximately four (alright, seven) times in the past month. Yes, I know. Again: Judge away. It was on ABC Family over Easter and with the life-changing advent of DVR, I practically own it! I can watch and re-watch and re-watch again. It’s almost as wonderful as my homemade Dunkaroos (aka Lorna Doone's + frosting from a can).

If you have not experienced the film in a while, here's a little montage refresher. To see the real dance, unfortunately, you'll have to rent it - goddamn copyright laws. But I'm sure this will make you want to add SoM to the #1 position in your Netflix queue. (And you will LOVE the Love Actually music!)

Anyway, so after not seeing the film for many years, it was pretty much like experiencing it for the very first time.

When I was younger, I loved it as a children’s movie. I mean it is chock-full-o-kiddies. Singing kiddies at that! I always wanted to be Gretl sitting on the stairs singing about the sun going to sleep.
Later I wished I was Liesl, dancing around clandestinely with that hot Nazi, Rolfe (scandaloso!) I loved her dress so much. And yes, I wanted to try champagne but my dad always said no too. (Sad face.)

However, with this most recent viewing (or viewings, shall I say…such a SoM glutton), I found myself really enjoying the love story between Maria and Captain von Trapp. I used to despise the part where they’re singing “Something Good” in the gazebo – I’d fast-forward my video as fast it’d go. That was Liesl and Rolfe’s gazebo! No Maria! No Captain! I thought it was absolutely blasphemous. Sneaks! Stealers!

But I digress, per usual. My whole no dankity has to do with Maria’s dress at the ball. I know she’s not actually in attendance but COME ON. They could have put a cuter dress on her. Yes, fine, it’s a 60s film representing the late 30s and true, those are probably flowers on her dress, but for real costume designers? It looks more like a 1980s, puffy-painted, Spin Art-ed, poufy-sleeved, jean-vested monstrosity. It belongs in saloons, slugging Jack Daniels. Certainly not sipping champagne at a fancy ball, dancing the Laendler. 

Yes, Maria is a governess and yes she is (nearly) a nun and, fine, she should be dowdy. But this is the pivotal scene of the movie people! The sexual tension is palpable. First Marta calls her out for being red faced (brat!), then there’s that awkward moment with the Baroness, and THEN the Captain looks back at Maria and makes an even MORE uncomfortable comment about the

weather to the Baroness – it’s undoubtedly one of my favorite romantic cinematic moments.

But Maria’s dress ruins it! Why oh why does she have to be donning something so perfectly hideous? (Don't mind the mptv logo - this one was the best example for so many reasons.)

Ugh!
So long, farewell,
au revoir auf wiedersehen!
If I were him,
I’d certainly abstain!
(But if she wore a different dress, ya never know!)