Pump Up the Jam Air!

Now it’s fairly funny and not just a little ironic that my AC has been decidedly AC-less.

Perhaps it read my last blog.

I’m so quick to judge though (surprised?) Maybe my body is just not used to “summer”. It’s been so unavailable that when the heat finally reared its ugly head, I suppose I just wasn’t ready for it.

To put it plainly: I’ve never sweated so much in my entire life as I have these past couple of weeks. Vulgar, but true.

It’s disgusting!
If I could click out a couple hundred sticks of soft solid antiperspirant and take a bath in it, I would.

For reals though, I think my air conditioner heard that I was talking shit about its brethren and decided to not do its job properly.

What’s up with that? Either there’s too much AC or not enough. Never a happy medium.

And lately mine has been the latter.

I left it on last night while I was out for the evening (unheaaard of...again: I hate you ConEd!)

Alllllll I wanted after a long day of working/cooking/laundering/cleaning then going out in this stinky, soupy, sweaty heat was come home to a nice cool apartamento. But no.

Drafts from the subway grates blow cooler than my AC.

When I got home – can you guess? – MY APARTMENT WAS STILL HOT.

I’ve mentioned the size of my apartment many a time. So we all know that it ain’t that big. That’s why I don’t understand why oh why oh why it has such a difficult time keeping cool.

Why are you dysfunctional, AC? Why don't you get it? Why do you insist on punishing me? You've got enough BTUs to do a stand up job! Stop being selfish and needy and wanting more!

It’s an evil, ne’er-do-well of a technological temperature system. Like the wood stove in “Home Alone”.

And I…I’ve had to endure the unthinkable – I’ve learned to sleep without so much as a SHEET covering me. How crazy is that??

Come on AC! Pump Up the Air!