Facebook Follies: Status-Updating Senselessness

Ah, the Wonderful World of Facebook. I used to be a hater, but I’ve grown much more fond of this so-called Social Networking site in recent years. I suppose you could say I’ve softened towards technology in my old age.

However. There are a few things I can’t stand about Facebook. Namely, the status updates. Or – pardonne moi – the “What’s On Your Mind?” updates. Oh, I’m sorry Facebook, are you my therapist? I see. Alright then. Let’s talk this one through.

Fair, fair Facebook. It’s not your Update Institution I so despise, but rather the overuse of it. The constant, chronic updating – the diarrhea of the mouth (er, keyboard, shall I say) that certain people feel the need to do. Of course I shan’t name names, you know who you are. To you I say: THIS IS NOT TWITTER!!!!!

I loathe your clogging of my mini-feed with stupid, incessant whining and complaining. No, I do not want to know that you’re “at work” – aren’t we all, dummy? Or that you’re “sleepy” – again, aren’t we all? Or that you’re at the “gym” – because, well, that just makes me feel guilty. 

But fine, I’ll grin and bear these work/sleep/gym updates. If anything, I feel bad for the updaters. They’re so positively bored and boring that they can’t think of anything more clever to say. I’ll stand their dull, uninteresting updates because I’d rather read their ceaseless nonsense than the more preposterous baloney of that other breed of updaters.

Ugh. The people whose statuses border on TMI are positively, undoubtedly the most vomit-inducing of them all. Honestly, I don’t CARE to learn how many centimeters dilated you are. Nor do I want to KNOW that you need to get laid. Or that people need to “pray” for you.

That last one irritates me the most. Why announce to all your Facebook “friends” that something is dreadfully wrong – then be super evasive when people comment the crapola out of your post?

Seriously Facebookers, I’m sorry that you are so deprived of attention that you feel the need to tell your pseudo “friends” via status updates that there is something the matter with you.
Aww.

Facebook is not a pity party, people. If you’re going to be all – “Oh I don’t want to talk about it on a public domain” then WHY ARE YOU MENTIONING ON FACEBOOK THAT SOMETHING IS WRONG IN THE FIRST PLACE???? 

Quit your cyber-moping, yo. We’re so over it.