Celebridiculous Redux

Yes. Yes I did stalk Robert Pattinson last summer when he was filming Remember Me. And yes. Yes I did get super duper psyched when the scene I saw being shot unfolded on the big screen. (And I must say, I thought the movie was much better than critics are making it out to be. Bring tissues.)

Robert Pattison epitomizes the anti-celebrity celebrity. He wishes he could walk down the street without getting recognized. He longs for the days of not getting hit by taxis while running from a gaggle of shrieking girls.

Major Do Dankes! props to that particular brand of celebs. They like to live their lives behind the scenes. Johnny Depp, Gwyneth Paltrow, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Kate Winslet are a few laid back faves.

They very rarely flaunt their famous faces on the streets of L.A. They don’t seek out paparazzi - they shun it. They don’t don outfits that scream, “Look at me!! LOOK AT ME!” (Fine, maybe Mr. Depp does frequently don quirky clothes...but whatever.)

Lucky duck me had the opportunity last week to fraternize with the antithesis of these peeps. And by fraternize, I mean with mingle with their cups...that I was throwing away...when garbage cans were literally.right.there.

I mentioned in my previous post that one of the perks of volunteering was the partays - but I failed to elaborate. You see, being seen at the scene means also means you’re gonna spy with your little eyes tons-o-outrageousness.

There wasn’t anything über posh about the opening of the Hell’s Kitchen Housing Works Thrift Store - but it was sponsored by Derek Warburton. Derek Warbur-who? Derek Warburton, Socialite Stylist, DUH! He’s also been on The Real Housewives of NYC and is (er, was) good buddies with Jill. (UPDATE: Umm...2 hours after I posted this blog he friended me on Facebook...I accepted. Does Mr. Warburton read No Dankes? Yikes yo!)

Though Jill wasn’t present and accounted for after her Snarky McSnarkerson comment, there were plenty of other celeb-annabes taking up space. Ramona, that gem! She tried to enter through the exit and when sweet, soft-spoken Kelly told her had to go to the front door she excused her behavior by saying, “I’m tiiiiiiiiiiiiiired.”

Ramona...dearest Ramona. You didn’t just whip a tornado-riffic store into shape in under two hours. You got your hair done, your makeup done, your nails done, your outfit picked out. All you have to do is smile. Quit your complaining.

It was a pretty eclectic mix of reality show stars, singers, and designers. Among the semi-famous C-listers: Alex and Simon (couple extraordinaire), Epperson and Kevin Christiana from Project Runway, Kristine Elezaj, Allison Parris, and, drumroll please - my least-favorite favorite: Malik (NOT) So Chic. Omg I peed a little when I saw him. I think you will too. Those glassssses, gaaah!

I know what you’re thinking. This is an event, of course the famous folks are gonna break out their (borrowed) designer duds. They’s gonna get did up to the 9’s. They are going to be photographed the shit out of, after all.

But I guess my numero uno qualm with all the hoopla lay in the simple fact that fashion does not have to be outrageous. You don’t have to be so in.my.face with your over-the-top ensembles. You can remain fashion-forward without being a freak of nature, like this other he-she-it person below.

I don’t know. I suppose society does dictate that celebrities must assume a preposterous persona in the name of show-biz.

But come on...I think you can tone it down a few notches and still manage to make the pages of Us Weekly. Or Life & Style at the very least.

Some of my most abhorred celeb-annabes:

HEIDI. MONTAG. She seriously got plastic surgery just so she could be in the rag sheets.

The Olsen Twins - sorry Rio, sorry Jeffery. I just don’t what ya’lls find so appealing. They’re haggard.

Miley Cyrus. Vanessa Hudgens. Olivia Palermo. Lauren Yeah-Right-You’re-An-Author Conrad. Kate Gosselin. Omfg, Kate Grosselin. I’m gonna end it on that note because I don’t think there’s anyone worse than her. Vile.