Wednesday, March 24, 2010

The In-Between Routine

I’ve got the fevah. Spring fevah, that is!

Last weekend was positively gorgeous. Gorgeous, I say! But along with summery sunshine in the late winter months, so too comes bad fashion.

I’ve been seeing tons-o-fashion roadkill the past few weeks. Fashion faux pas. Bloopers, blunders, flops, flubs, fouls. It’s left me wanting to scream: N to the O, no, no, NO people!

These sinners, these extremely offensive offenders, belong almost exclusively to the fairer sex - unfortunately.

Alas, I cannot lament about these criminals so very much, for I am guilty as well.

This transition time is killer, I tell you. Killer!

Take last weekend for instance. It was 70-something
degrees - but ‘twas also mid-March. Un problemo, yo!

Well let’s be serious - choosing an outfit is always a dilemma. But this quandary is made infinitesimally more difficult when the sun is shining, you’re sweating, and iPhone is telling you that spring has not officially sprung.

You feel super silly wearing sandals. Shorts? Absolutely not. Tanks? Permissible with a cardigan-to-go. Dresses sans leggings (at least)? Hella no.

It’s not summer, dear friends (and foes). You can’t break out those strappy shoes and miniskirts without escaping a variable walk-of-shame wrath from your fellow city-dwelling homegirls.

By the same token, it’s majorly frowned upon to don opaque tights and knee-high boots with a sweater dress and peacoat. It’s not 20 degrees out, lassies!

So here’s the million dollar question...the question that even Kelly Cobb, fashionista extraordinaire, has trouble answering: What does one wear for your in-between routine?

(Methinks it’s rhetorical.)

But I do believe there are a few simple guidelines we can all follow for the next
month or so.

For instance, I don’t think it’s permissible to wear neon just yet. Nor do I deem it right to wear wool. Scarves are OK if they’re cute and cotton - none of that Burberry plaid bullshit. Fugg no to Uggs - and keep those Rainbows under wraps. Steer clear of Icelandic-esque sweaters (hmm...that rule might apply for all 12 months, especially for that there couple), but bring on the pretty pink n’ purple cardis. Pack up that camel coat and break out your khaki trench. Replace those turtlenecks with boatnecks. And keep those toes closed in until April at least.

Annnd that’s all I got.

I truly don’t think there’s an easy or graceful way to get through these transition periods. I suppose layers are key - light layers, not heavy ones.

Ugh, boys totes have it easy, peasy, lemon squeezy. They can wear sport shorts and stupid man-tanks and no one will judge them.

Why are girls so harsh? Why we always giving - and receiving, let’s be serious - that savage, holy-shit-what-is-that-chick-wearing stare/glare?

Yeah, I’m guilty of dishing it too - mostly behind my passive-aggressive-protective sunglasses. But like I said, mea culpa when it comes to committing fashion faux pas.

It’s so goddamn difficult to balance! Talk about tight-roping between seasons. I suppose semi-spring ‘tis the season to be judgey. But let’s at least try to bring peace and harmony to New York fashion - one (cotton) layer at a time.

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